Saturday, September 04, 2004
I'm terribly upset and moody. Things just didn't go the way i want it to be.
What more can i say. I'm speechless... I wish things didn't have to start this way.
Sometimes i feel like i didn't want to be stuck in this shit anymore. I want to make the decision and follow thru' with it. But yet i can't. I couldn't bare to. Life's been so beautiful around us i wish it would last forever. But i know its hard.
I learn to appreciate everyday being with him but i wonder... is he with me? Or am i walking alone all this while?
Sometimes i think i've lost it. I know there are missing puzzles here and there but i keep on believing it was there. All because i want to believe in it.
I want to give them the space they needed but yet it was so hard on myself. Sometimes i watch him go, knowing he was meeting her. Yet, i give him to someone whom i have not seen before. Why should i care how she felt? But i know if i don't, its gonna hurts her as much as it hurts me. Its so hard on myself i wish i have more strength to move on for the next 3 months. Its already been our 5th month together and i've never been happier,more loved and cared for. Its been wonderful.
Just yesterday, i couldn't sleep... Coz i know i'm losing him. Because i wasn't strong enough and i couldn't fight this alone. I thought i hid my emotions well enough but i guess i couldn't lie to myself afterall. I thought of letting go. I seriously thought thru' it. Ended up, wide awake at 5:30am with tears in my eyes. I didn't even know i could cry so badly for someone i barely know for 5 months. But these are real emotions, unexplainable feelings that you wanted something so bad but you see it slipping through your hands.
Have you loved someone / something so badly that you just couldn't give it up? No matter how much u know its going to hurt you if you don't?
I want to Orion in the peaceful blue sky and pray that it makes me stronger to carry on.
I hope i can sleep tonight...
What more can i say. I'm speechless... I wish things didn't have to start this way.
Sometimes i feel like i didn't want to be stuck in this shit anymore. I want to make the decision and follow thru' with it. But yet i can't. I couldn't bare to. Life's been so beautiful around us i wish it would last forever. But i know its hard.
I learn to appreciate everyday being with him but i wonder... is he with me? Or am i walking alone all this while?
Sometimes i think i've lost it. I know there are missing puzzles here and there but i keep on believing it was there. All because i want to believe in it.
I want to give them the space they needed but yet it was so hard on myself. Sometimes i watch him go, knowing he was meeting her. Yet, i give him to someone whom i have not seen before. Why should i care how she felt? But i know if i don't, its gonna hurts her as much as it hurts me. Its so hard on myself i wish i have more strength to move on for the next 3 months. Its already been our 5th month together and i've never been happier,more loved and cared for. Its been wonderful.
Just yesterday, i couldn't sleep... Coz i know i'm losing him. Because i wasn't strong enough and i couldn't fight this alone. I thought i hid my emotions well enough but i guess i couldn't lie to myself afterall. I thought of letting go. I seriously thought thru' it. Ended up, wide awake at 5:30am with tears in my eyes. I didn't even know i could cry so badly for someone i barely know for 5 months. But these are real emotions, unexplainable feelings that you wanted something so bad but you see it slipping through your hands.
Have you loved someone / something so badly that you just couldn't give it up? No matter how much u know its going to hurt you if you don't?
I want to Orion in the peaceful blue sky and pray that it makes me stronger to carry on.
I hope i can sleep tonight...
